Be the Victor – Not the Victim

In the past few weeks I have gone so far backwards in my progress it just isn’t funny. I actually re-read an article I wrote in January with the same title as the post. It got me thinking about how my attitude has taken a turn to the negative and I need to slap myself back into gear.

When I was going through my iGoogle that has all of my RSS feeds in it – I also stumbled across Randy Layman’s article on a similar topic. I encourage you guys to read his article as well – Are you playing the vicitm?

Here is the article that I wrote at the beginning of 2009. This advice is something I have to revisit and implement into my life again.

As we live our lives each day, many of us don’t realise or take into consideration the events and issues that are affecting both us and others. Whether it be something minor like being selected for jury duty or something major like a death in the family. How you react, approach and tackle these issues will ultimately decide if you are a victor or a victim. You might be thinking that this is a little extreme, but fundamentally it is true.

Victim

We all know that people cry “why me” every time something happens to them. The fact of the matter is it’s how they are living their life that is the problem, not anyone else’s actions. These people will always be the victim until they change their mindset to one of a victor. For a long period of my life I was one that would be a prime example of someone that would fit into this category. There was always an excuse for everything that happened in life, no matter the issue. It would always be because so and so did this or such and such forgot to tell me that. At the end of the day you have to take responsibility for you own life and be able to embrace the challenges of life without constantly feeling sorry for yourself.

If we take a look at the dictionary meaning of a ‘victim’ we can begin to understand the mindset of these individuals (you probably already know if you are one yourself). The two relevant meanings dictionary.com provides are as follows:

1. A person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency: a victim of an automobile accident.

2. a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency: a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion.

When we take a look at the first definition, as you can see it tends to be of a more serious and destructive nature. These events play significant roles in our lives and can define who we are and who we become to a large extent. Many will not be able to overcome the experience for a very long time, if at all. Others will mourn or grieve until the natural healing has taken place and then move on stronger and better than ever. These are the victors.

The second definition that I want to take you through without sounding too much like a lecturer has a high relevance to what we are talking about. It is all about being the victim of ourselves and others by a means of ignorance, dishonesty and misplaced confidence. In most, if not all cases we have the ability to control the outcome of defining moments in our lives. The term ignorance was italicized to highlight the fact that ignorance is one of the most vital factors in making ourselves believe that we are a victim. You will notice that after relationships break down both people will naturally feel like they are the victim. Everyone’s natural instinct is to become the victim to give them closure about events that have occurred. It is a coping mechanism that is doomed to fail and one that will hold you back for the entirety of your life unless you address it now and take control of it. To have a better understanding of how you can do this, we can now have a look at what a victor is and how they react to the same circumstances.

Victor

Now for the good stuff. This is who and where we want to be at. We want to be the victor. Well I certainly hope so anyway. There are a variety of differences and qualities that a victor has that a victim will not. One of the more crucial of these is that they take things in their stride and don’t let the moment take control of them. One of my favourite famous quotes goes something like “Define the moment or the moment will define you”. Throughout writing this article this is what is continually in my head about what it means to be a victor. Taking charge make your life’s outcomes in your control.

When we go and have a look at the definitions of a victor things do become clearer about what it means to not be a victim and how much of an impact we can make on our lives if we truly are a victor. The two relevant definitions are as follows:

1. A person who has overcome or defeated an adversary; conqueror.
2. A winner in any struggle or contest.

The key two words I want you to focus on here are overcome and defeated. This is essentially what we are talking about when we are comparing a victor with a victim. We need to grow as individuals, become the best person that we can. Overcoming and defeating the obstacles that stand in our way goes a long way to providing us with the confidence, self esteem and pride that we need to define ourselves. Without this critical element we continue along the path of always having an excuse and feeling sorry for ourselves.

Overview

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a pure black and white story. But I think that when we all have a serious think about our actions we can ascertain whether or not we reacted, approached and tackled issues in the correct manner. If you are on the high road to personal development, consider the things that I have gone through in this article and apply it to your life. It isn’t going to be a matter of our luck changing or the ‘bad stuff’ simply going away. In a lot of instances this can be an illusion.

I know for me personally it was a bit of a head spin at first when I realised that I always thought as myself as the victim, which is why I thought that I’m tougher than everyone else. Every time in life, no matter how big or small the issue there was always a reason why things just didn’t go my way. If a relationship ended because of my fault it was because past relationships had caused me to act that way. If I went and gambled my money away it was because my father was a gambler. If I didn’t show up to work because I was lazy, it was because of depression. It is hard but we all have to take a serious look at ourselvles and take responsibility for ourslves and act to control the outcome. Everything that happens in life, we have control over in one way or another. Whether it be in the issue arising, the process or the outcome, we have control over whether we will be the victor or the victim.

In reality it is a simple matter of conquering adversary in our lives, in which everyone faces. What will determine our personal development and define us as individuals though is whether we are the victor or the victim. Which one are you?